STEVECOLLIS.COM The home of Steve Collis - Programmer and photographer
Jokes:

Generosity

Delia's Tips

A little Laugh

Stroke Victims

One of those days

FW: * NEW WORDS FOR 2007

New technology from Apple

Senior Centre

a short riddle

Blondes

Handy flight companion

Tuesday's FUNNY...........

Leave us blondes alone

to all my online friends

Chopper at his best: "Harden The F*@# Up!"  NSFW

Yanks & Guns

Emoticons

[No Subject]

Amazing

If

Children are wonderful

I am only the delivery boy.

Apologies to the Italians......

My dog Skippy

senior citizen

CHOCOLATE HAVE PLENTY OF IT FOR NEW YEAR

Cowboy boots

Top 10 Christmas Carols For The Disturbed

Have you seen the world's shortest books?

great XMAS gift

great XMAS gift

SPECIAL GIFTS

Xmas Joke

The Cold

How true!!

FW: Port Adelaide Maths Exam

onions & christmas tree's

Japanese Illusionist

Many fathers

True friends don't let u drink n drive

MERRY CHRISTMAS from SANTA.....not!

Man of the house!

Lateral Thinking

Collingwood girls - gotta love them!

THE PUMPKIN

Fishing

Migrants Excuse

The medicine man

Office Skirmish...

Senior Thinking--a smile for your day...

FlightSim X Game

Serious Sergeant Major

Speedbandits  NSFW

Tall stories

More Blonde Jokes

Question

What all blokes have been looking to find out...how to keep a woman happy

Monday Afternoon Smiles

The Yuppie...

Warning....beware of little fingers.....

Beer Entrapment - timely, being that it's Friday

Vet Fees

Man accused of having relations with dog

Real #911 Calls

Can you figure it?

God is good

Gender test

Blonde Joke for the day

Shopping for a blow up doll

HOW TO POO AT WORK

Fwd: FW: Fwd: Who says men don't remember anniversaries?

Fairy Story

First Kiss....

Simple question, simple answer

FW: Plane Stuff

sexist jokes, though entertaining :)

blondes

Last Child Support Payment

The Truth behind Women's Restrooms

blondes?

SYLVESTER AND TWEETY

10 Worst Company web Domains

FW: check this out!!

Futuristic Motel

snow

FW: Men are happier people!

WORLD WAR III IS COMING!

History Test

Drinking Quotes

mwa huh huh

approaches

Scientific study

acronyms

hooker joke

Time for a Quickie

Irish Coffee

nurses

so......... Who's Proof Reading?

Brave Men

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN

GOOD - BETTER - BEST

2 jokes

Pensions

Men Strike Back!?

Clever Aussie

FUNNY-- Cat lover or not

FW: Test for Dementia

A few things you have probably never thought about!

Joke of the Year

BEWARE OF SCAM...

Another Blond Joke

The extroidinary life of older people in the suburbs

They Walk Among Us

Little Johnny...............(again)

Mid Life Crisis...

Fairy tale

BLUFFING

dishes

THE JOKE THAT JUST HAD TO HAPPEN

Elmo joke

Charles and Camilla

LITTLE JOHNNY RETURNS

the audit............

FW: Help Desk Jokes - this is funny!

Women

Two women

the genie

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

Good joke!!!

Faulty Driver, Faulty Policeman

Joke of the week!

noah's ark

7 KINDS OF SEX

FW: More Sesame Street goodness

If football teams were women

FW: Your Brazilian shirt name

This is cool

Payrise

FW: Test for Cataracts........  NSFW

FW: Do you have 710?

Dear Dad letter....- brilliant!

FW: What a Great Idea! :-)

FW: ooohh im excited

FW: Full Nike Football ads - BRILLIANT!

quote from Robot Chicken

FW: Possible Recruit

FW: World Cup

FW: try to park the car - very addictive

FW: Four Friends

FW: Drivers Licence

FW: The story of Sheep

FW: Advice for a friday...

FW: pirate talk translator

WORTH REPEATING

Subject:  AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

Possibly the funniest story in a long while, this is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had his guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.......

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down on to me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

Kevin Roben.

Wagga Glass & Aluminium Pty Ltd

From: Oto on 10 Jul 2006

Attachments:

All these jokes/files have been sent to me by friends via email, if this is material belonging to you and you wish it to be taken down then please email steve(at)stevecollis(dot)com and I will look into it