STEVECOLLIS.COM The home of Steve Collis - Programmer and photographer
Jokes:

Generosity

Delia's Tips

A little Laugh

Stroke Victims

One of those days

FW: * NEW WORDS FOR 2007

New technology from Apple

Senior Centre

a short riddle

Blondes

Handy flight companion

Tuesday's FUNNY...........

Leave us blondes alone

to all my online friends

Chopper at his best: "Harden The F*@# Up!"  NSFW

Yanks & Guns

Emoticons

[No Subject]

Amazing

If

Children are wonderful

I am only the delivery boy.

Apologies to the Italians......

My dog Skippy

senior citizen

CHOCOLATE HAVE PLENTY OF IT FOR NEW YEAR

Cowboy boots

Top 10 Christmas Carols For The Disturbed

Have you seen the world's shortest books?

great XMAS gift

great XMAS gift

SPECIAL GIFTS

Xmas Joke

The Cold

How true!!

FW: Port Adelaide Maths Exam

onions & christmas tree's

Japanese Illusionist

Many fathers

True friends don't let u drink n drive

MERRY CHRISTMAS from SANTA.....not!

Man of the house!

Lateral Thinking

Collingwood girls - gotta love them!

THE PUMPKIN

Fishing

Migrants Excuse

The medicine man

Office Skirmish...

Senior Thinking--a smile for your day...

FlightSim X Game

Serious Sergeant Major

Speedbandits  NSFW

Tall stories

More Blonde Jokes

Question

What all blokes have been looking to find out...how to keep a woman happy

Monday Afternoon Smiles

The Yuppie...

Warning....beware of little fingers.....

Beer Entrapment - timely, being that it's Friday

Vet Fees

Man accused of having relations with dog

Real #911 Calls

Can you figure it?

God is good

Gender test

Blonde Joke for the day

Shopping for a blow up doll

HOW TO POO AT WORK

Fwd: FW: Fwd: Who says men don't remember anniversaries?

Fairy Story

First Kiss....

Simple question, simple answer

FW: Plane Stuff

sexist jokes, though entertaining :)

blondes

Last Child Support Payment

The Truth behind Women's Restrooms

blondes?

SYLVESTER AND TWEETY

10 Worst Company web Domains

FW: check this out!!

Futuristic Motel

snow

FW: Men are happier people!

WORLD WAR III IS COMING!

History Test

Drinking Quotes

mwa huh huh

approaches

Scientific study

acronyms

hooker joke

Time for a Quickie

Irish Coffee

nurses

so......... Who's Proof Reading?

Brave Men

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN

GOOD - BETTER - BEST

2 jokes

Pensions

Men Strike Back!?

Clever Aussie

FUNNY-- Cat lover or not

FW: Test for Dementia

A few things you have probably never thought about!

Joke of the Year

BEWARE OF SCAM...

Another Blond Joke

The extroidinary life of older people in the suburbs

They Walk Among Us

Little Johnny...............(again)

Mid Life Crisis...

Fairy tale

BLUFFING

dishes

THE JOKE THAT JUST HAD TO HAPPEN

Elmo joke

Charles and Camilla

LITTLE JOHNNY RETURNS

the audit............

FW: Help Desk Jokes - this is funny!

Women

Two women

the genie

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

Good joke!!!

Faulty Driver, Faulty Policeman

Joke of the week!

noah's ark

7 KINDS OF SEX

FW: More Sesame Street goodness

If football teams were women

FW: Your Brazilian shirt name

This is cool

Payrise

FW: Test for Cataracts........  NSFW

FW: Do you have 710?

Dear Dad letter....- brilliant!

FW: What a Great Idea! :-)

FW: ooohh im excited

FW: Full Nike Football ads - BRILLIANT!

quote from Robot Chicken

FW: Possible Recruit

FW: World Cup

FW: try to park the car - very addictive

FW: Four Friends

FW: Drivers Licence

FW: The story of Sheep

FW: Advice for a friday...

FW: pirate talk translator

WORTH REPEATING

Subject:  FW: * NEW WORDS FOR 2007

* TESTICULATING.

Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.

Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

* ASSMOSIS.

The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

* SALMON DAY.

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.

An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SITCOMs.

Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

* SINBAD.

Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* STRESS PUPPY.

A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.

The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* ADMINISPHERE.

The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

* 404.

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* OH-NO SECOND.

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GOING FOR A McSHIT.

Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.

One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* AUSSIE KISS.

Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* BEER COAT.

The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3:00am.

* BEER COMPASS.

The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.

Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* GREYHOUND.

A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.

A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.

The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH.

A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

* MYSTERY BUS.

The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.

The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

* PICASSO BUM.

A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

* SALAD DODGER.

An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY

A deeply unattractive person.

* TART FUEL.

Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

From: Minh on 02 Feb 2007

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